I hadn’t intended on grabbing a vanilla slice today, but as fate would have it I stumbled upon Rainforest Bakery while nearby. I decided to take a punt and found a range of options in their comprehensively stocked cabinets, including a traditional and French vanilla slice. I gravitated towards the double stacked, lightly dusted offering and drove home to consume with the aid of cutlery.

My assumptions for the slice were that the pastry’s slightly thick and pale complexion may have resulted in soggy, flavourless pastry. I was right. The pastry lacked firmness and the entire middle layer was so soggy and compacted that it was better without it. The heavy whipped cream was fine, but the custard itself ironically lacked creaminess and vanilla content. If eaten blindfolded you might be hard pushed to guess what the custard was. The portion and components had potential, but the ingredients and execution lacked.

Following on from a swim in Settlement Cove lagoon and a walk through the Redcliffe Market, I called into Banjo’s and took out a French vanilla slice. What more could you want from your Sunday?

I might have missed the memo which made this vanilla slice ‘French’ with a somewhat standard custard between pastry construction and fondant iced top. There wasn’t any additional cream or tri pastry (a la Mille-feuille) to note. The slice itself looked promising but when handled it was evident it had been in the fridge for a while. The sogginess of the pastry coupled with the hot sun made this thing melt in transit from hand to mouth. The pastry lacked firmness and flake, the custard missing noteworthy vanilla content and an airy whipped texture. The icing proved messy and sweet, with the chocolate remaining as the main after taste.

I’ve seen Banjo’s in Victoria before but always resisted the temptation to sample. This was my first Banjo’s experience, and it was OK, but not breath taking, especially with the slightly higher than average price for a medium sized snot block.

I work in South Brisbane, so to hear that nearby was an authentic Greek cafe/restaurant selling baklava and galaktoboureko (Greek custard slice), I had to give them a go. This is my second galaktoboureko eaten and reviewed, the first of which came a few years ago from a friend’s mother in-law.it’s categorised in the ‘homemade’ section if interested.

I bought two triangles of baklava and two triangular portions of the custard slice, one each for Mrs B and one for me, for a total of $16. A good outlay overall on some typically Greek baked goods. We both agreed that the baklava was outstanding, very syrupy pastry and filling full of cinnamon and flavour. The galaktoboureko on the other was hand was good, but wasn’t outstanding. We both agreed the portion sizes were ample and the filo (phyllo) pastry was sweet, soggy and golden. The semolina custard lacked vanilla content in comparison to the one a few years ago but had creaminess and proved very filling.

I was out in Ipswich with morning tea approaching. I called into Saigon Bakehouse with knowledge that they would sell some tasty Vietnamese lunch options and duly obliged. I took out a lemongrass chicken salad bowl and a lemon slice for Mrs B, and the obligatory vanilla slice for me.

She loved her salad but didn’t like the gelatinous lemon curd-esque slice, meaning I finished it after my vanilla slice. Being a fan of lemon curd it was an added bonus. My slice was reasonably good value for money in terms of size, freshness and overall satisfaction. It was simply constructed and when turned sideways it was interesting to see how the layers had been baked, with lightly risen pockets giving the slice some good puff texture. I was pleased the pastry was fresh as the outcome of this review would have looked completely different if soggy. The custard was thick and stodgy, similar to a pudding mix and milk consistency. It was tasty and sweet at least. Other than that the service was friendly and locals were calling in for their baked goods, which is always a good sign.

It’s rare that I aimlessly walk around the city centre, so I made sure I had a pit stop for a cheeky vanilla slice in store. Needless to say, Lena’s Bakehouse was my target for today. Hidden away in the underground food court of Post Office Square the bakery came highly recommended on the internet. Selling two types of vanilla slice (standard and French) I opted for the slightly more expensive but considerably larger variety.

The slice was made up of three dark brown, well defined layers of pastry, with copious amounts of creamy vanilla custard that was fluffy but incredibly rich. The pastry would have been good when freshly baked but when handled the slice indicated it might not have been fresh out the oven. With no utensils in sight I had to pick up this beast. With gravity my enemy in trying to bring the slice down, coupled with the grip of finger and thumb, the whole thing became a bit of a sticky mess to try and eat. The residue left on my thumb from the sweet sticky (and now melted) icing caused sugary fingerprints all over my phone soon after. A relatively pricey baked good, but no denying the quantity and thought gone into its creation. I would be keen to try this one again when just baked and on an empty stomach.

With a day out at Dreamworld with the kids I needed my mid morning fix and found a nearby bakery in Upper Coomera to call in at. Ordering a curried steak pie and French vanilla slice, I spent a very reasonable $10 and consumed the goods outside, with Mrs B opting for a fresh cream jam donut. We were both very impressed by the prices and friendly service we experienced inside of the bakery. We were further impressed by the quality of the pies and freshness of the sweets.

My French vanilla slice could have gone either way, but the pastry was thankfully fresh and flaky, breaking apart easily with minimal effort. The custard was a little more set than I was expecting but the vanilla was strong and when eaten with the fresh whipped cream it was thoroughly delicious. The slightly set texture actually aided the consumption and there was exactly zero squashed custard deposits on the pavement when I had finished. Mrs B found the donut most fulfilling, though it did get the better of her and I had the last bite to save wastage. A real gem of a bakery just around the corner from Dreamworld. No doubt I will be back in future.

With the vanilla slice landscape seemingly quite desolate in Brisbane in recent weeks I stumbled upon Chatterbox Cafe inside Toowong Village shopping centre. I initially saw the slice and wasn’t prepared to pay the $5.90 due it’s small stature. I soon talked myself into it and thought it would be a nice Fathers Day treat!

Upon first pickup the posture of the slice drooped and became tricky to manoeuvre, the layers of pastry delaminated and the layer of icing fell off. I swiftly reassembled and took large bites to get the task completed with minimal embarrassment. Though clearly not fresh off the production line and not made with finesse and delicacy, the overall taste was rather nice. An unexpected white chocolate icing made the slice sweet and rich, and offset the thick vanilla custard well. It’s shame the pastry, freshness and price let the item down overall.

With plenty of new opportunities for exploring in new neighbourhoods, I stumbled across the Kenmore Village Plaza, and more specifically the Village Bakery. With Vietnamese influence evident, I actually thought the pies looked more tasty than the pre-packaged banh-mi, so I took out a curried beef pie and a large slab of their delicious looking vanilla slice. I was completely justified with the pie choice, it was thoroughly delicious. One of the best curried pies I have had outside of Gusto in Melbourne. The vanilla slice, however, turned out to be a little disappointing.

Aesthetically, it looked not only very large, but consisted of generous amounts of filling and evident flaky dark brown pastry sheets. Whilst the pastry had the right characteristics it was certainly not fresh that morning. There was an obvious lack of rigidity when picking this thing up, and based on the distinct lack of crunch when bitten, the quality of pastry was not as good as I predicted. The filling also proved underwhelming. A rich, yellow, thick custard proved to be a heavy set milky custard lacking in the vanilla department. All together, I had to throw away about one sixth of the slice due to being overly full. Big portion but not big in flavour.

On a long drive back from the seaside, Mrs B and I made the call to pull in and pick up something sugary when the opportunity presented itself. Driving through Carina I spotted the Flour Monkey Bakery and thought it sounded interesting so would give it a try. I really wish I had kept driving!
My view of some cakes and slices were obstructed by the lady in front and when I got a clear view I had already been served by the member of staff so had to go with it. I ordered Mrs B a caramel slice and I took both items back to the car for quick consumption.

We both complained about the poor ingredients, flavours and overall satisfaction of our items. Her caramel slice tasted of very little, just sweetness. My vanilla slice too lacked almost every necessary element to make it a hit; flavour, freshness, crunch, saltiness and custardy creaminess. The filling was most unusual and rather unpleasant if I’m being honest. It was thick and slightly gelatinous but with an unusual grainy texture that was most unwelcome. Moreover, it was completely devoid of any taste or creaminess. A complete waste of stomach space. The pastry was thick in places and baked alright, but it lacked butter content and flakiness so I chose not to eat it. The hideously sweet passionfruit icing would normally have gone down well, but after tasting all components together I realised I wasn’t going to persist and I didn’t really want to just eat a layer of icing! Not good.

I visited Latte ‘Mor in 2016 and was blown away by the French vanilla slice I ate back then. The original review can be found here:

http://byronsvanillasliceblog.weebly.com/snot-blog/latte-mor-coffee-shop-helensvale-queensland

Well a lot has changed in 5 years, and similarly a lot hasn’t. I’ve since had two children, moved jobs, moved state and yet I’m back at Latte ‘Mor again for an equally as excellent slice of pleasure, this time only $1.30 more expensive. Rustic yet elegant, bold yet simple. Quality ingredients, beautifully fresh and although a little more pricey than my first visit, I will be back again when in town. Definitely still worthy of a score of 9.75/10.

Next time, I must remember to bring a fork as this one got quite messy due to a pastry malfunction.

I dropped into Toowong French Patisserie on a Saturday morning and took out a French vanilla slice and salted caramel mini eclair for Mrs B for a combined total of $8.50. I headed back home to unpackage the items and we consumed them next to the pool in the sunshine. Mrs B wasn’t blown away by the eclair and didn’t really have much to comment on to be honest. Contrastingly, the vanilla slice has lots for features to discuss.

The item was big and heavy, made of three darkly coloured thick stacks of flaky pastry. The dimensions were approximately 150x60x60mm, with the majority of its height being made of pastry. The custard looked overly yellow and resembled glue holding the stack together. The top layer had a thin layer of fondant icing atop, decorated with a heavy-handed pattern of chocolate. Looks aside, this thing was missing the mark with quantities and ingredients all round. The pastry was so overwhelming and lacking buttery richness that I gave up eating most of it. Yes it was a dark brown, but it was awfully dry and salty. The custard was similar in texture to glue; overly sweet and a ridiculous amount of vanilla essence made the taste quite unpleasantly tangy after eating the serving. The icing was nothing to write home about either unfortunately, with the chocolate used not darkly bitter or from the top shelf of chocolate.

From a monetary point of view this vanilla slice provides a large portion for the price, but the overall makeup and quality of components let the item down significantly.

With a drive through the neighbourhood, I popped into Francy’s Patisserie for one thing, and one thing only. With the slice in the bag I returned to the car with fork in hand. This slab was dense and the icing revealed itself to be soft and fluffy so I didn’t want to hassle of cleaning up my fingers from eating it like a sandwich. The fork broke the slice up surprisingly well, though after sampling the butter cream icing to find out it contained desiccated coconut I didn’t bother eating the top layer of pastry and icing. I worked my way through the thick custard and whipped cream mottled filling with the accompaniment of the bottom layer of thin pastry quite happily. The filling was fine, but lacking any real vanilla in the mix. The pastry was very thin but with the ratio of filling and icing it got lost so was hard to tell of its real worth. A reasonable product for the price I guess, but just lacking some finesse. If in town, bring a fork.

Filling: Thick vanilla custard 7.5/10
Pastry: Good colour but soggy 5.5/10
Presentation: Well crafted miniature rectangle 8/10
Value for money: $6 - Tiny portion size, disappointing for the price/size 4/10
Overall score: 6.5/ 10

I called into Sweet Crumbs first thing on Saturday morning for a hard to come by vanilla slice. I was surprised at the size of the slice in the cabinet with a price tag of $7.50 advertising the cost. I took the gamble and the price was actually a bette (but still overpriced) $6. With the tiny treat now purchased I ate it in the privacy of my car just around the corner.

It was a real shame to turn the slice on to its side to get a better grip for picking up, only to feel the soggy layers of pastry buckle under the pressure, and visibly peel away instead of flaking off into shards. Nonetheless, after three of so floppy bites the beast was gone and I was left with a sugar hit comprising of overly sweet custard and fondant icing on an otherwise small sandwich of pastry. Was this slice baked fresh this morning?

The custard was nice enough; a rich yellow and notable vanilla flavour, just not indulgently rich and served generously. The pastry as mentioned was lacking firmness and flake, though baked to a nice mid brown colour. Nice enough little independent bakery selling other tasty looking treats, but the vanilla slice didn’t quite hit the spot this time around.

Filling: Luxurious thick eggy vanilla custard 9.5/10
Pastry: Wafer thin, excellent flake and golden brown 9.5/10
Presentation: Low-rise square, well dusted 9/10
Value for money: $6 - Medium portion size, overly messy and extremely rich 8/10
Overall score: 9/10

After a splash around at the nearby Settlement Cove Lagoon I needed a custard pick-me-up before the drive home. With minimal bakeries standing out on Google I stumbled upon Preece’s who not only have cafe style food, but also make cake and pastries and offer catering. Apparently they are quite well known for their vanilla slices, one review on Trip Advisor stating it’s the best they’ve ever tasted. My kind of place to stop...

Mrs B popped in whilst I drove around the block after being moved on by a parking inspector. I returned to pick her up and with little time to spare I flung open the cardboard container and picked it up. From the get go there was seismic action evident, with sliding of pastry sheets and custard magma trying to erupt out the sides. After a few bites and tentative nibbles I gave up on trying to eat it sensibly and got Mrs B to dig around in the glove box for a utensil. She offered me a set of wooden chopsticks as they was no other choice. I was able to munch my way through the delicious pastry sheets with ease due to the buttery flakiness and freshness. The custard ended up being finished off with an uneasy chop stick scooping action, but my word it was rich and satisfying. They know they have a good product here, so with the wonderful view opposite it’s no wonder it sells for $6 a square.

Filling: Mounds of thick, rich, whipped vanilla cream 8.5/10
Pastry: Underbaked and lacking flakiness 6/10
Presentation: Large rectangular breeze block, decorated fondant icing 8/10
Value for money: $6.50, medium/large portion size, very filling 6.5/10
Overall score: 7.25/10

With my last vanilla slice consumption coming as a vegan alternative, I was keen to get dairy back into my diet pronto. I took a drive out of town towards the picturesque Samford Village, about 20 minutes from my home. With a stunning green and mountainous backdrop I was welcomed by the sight of Samford Patisserie. I ventured inside and purchased a large slab of their ‘Euro’ vanilla slice. With a robust stature made up mostly of heavy whipped filling, I bravely ate this bad boy with my bare hands.

Disappointingly the pastry wasn’t 100% up to the task and made the situation more precarious than expected. I had to eat the slice with a head tilted sideways action to avoid mass spillage. The layers were pale in colour and lacked firmness or flakiness. The filling was more cream than custard, though one might argue it was whipped cream custard. With a slight yellow hue there was obviously more to the filling than just cream, with a lovely vanilla sweetness and a richness that eventually caught up with me towards the end. The icing was delightful and my aftertaste was made up entirely of dark chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Had the slice not been so expensive I might have been tempted to score a little higher. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday anyway!

Filling: Heavy set soy vanilla custard 6/10
Pastry: Thin but soft and unremarkable 5/10
Presentation: Traditional, effort made to decoratively ice 7/10
Value for money: $6.75 (estimate) Small/medium portion size, divided 4 ways 6.5/10
Overall score: 6/10

Heading out for the weekend with the kids in tow, Mrs B and I orchestrated a stop at a vegan bakery to allow our dairy free, sugar loving mini-me’s the chance to eat one of daddy’s favourite foods. With no risk of dairy contamination I was unusually relaxed to let the kids kick back and enjoy their slices. We bought a vanilla slice and cookies and cream slice for a combined (whopping) $12.50, got them cut up into 4 even pieces and then jumped right in.

My son Theo loved his vanilla slice and even finished off my daughter Ellie’s, who struggled with the custard. He expressed his fondness for the custard and icing. In fairness he’s only ever had one once before, and I made it for him at home!

For a dairy free alternative, I was impressed overall. But marks are obviously scored in direct comparison to the normal criteria, so I can’t offer any bias. The custard definitely had a soy undertone flavour to it, and was quite well set with a thickening agent. There was definite vanilla content and it presented with a not too offensive colour compared with other vegan custards I’ve seen and attempted to make at home.
The pastry was a little insignificant; a good thickness but rather soft and flexible consistency that only really allowed for quick pickup. The icing was consistent with all icing; sweet and sticky but with a good chocolate aftertaste.

Admittedly I think I preferred the cookies and cream slice, which resembled a dense chocolate brownie topped with whipped margarine vanilla icing. A great bakery for my kids, and I will no doubt be back to let them choose more from the cake cabinet in the near future,

Filling: Thicker than necessary, slight vanilla aftertaste 6/10
Pastry: Slab-like, fatty and firm 2/10
Presentation: Dubiously butter iced, hint of passionfruit 5/10
Value for money: $4.30- Small/medium portion size, throwaway job 4/10
Overall score: 4.3/10

With a last minute stop for caffeine after the drive from Brisbane to Australia Zoo, we called in at Glass House Mountains for a coffee. Mrs B snuck into CJ’s pastries and pulled a blinder- a coffee, butter chicken pie and a cheeky and very unexpected vanilla slice. With little time to spare before heading off again, I scoffed the butter chicken pie with aplomb, washing it down with most of my coffee. Excellent pie; great pastry and rich filling.

The vanilla slice however is a different story altogether. Short, flat and presented with passionfruit butter icing I sank my fingers in and bored down until I hit the first layer of pastry, gripping tightly as pictured. The icing in this heat is a real mystery and I can’t see how it adds value. There was little to no sign of any passionfruit flavour, just the odd seed for visuals. As it turned out the pastry element was also a real let down and I ended up peeling the top layer off with the icing clinging on, binning it and eating the custard with small bites. When done, the bottom layer of pastry also got thrown away. The pastry was fatty, firm and quite unpleasant overall. The custard was the only part worth consuming. It’s taste was that of creamy vanilla custard, it’s texture somewhat more set than I’d have liked.

Great pie, not great vanilla slice, average coffee.

Filling: Light and fluffy half and half combo 7.5/10
Pastry: Thin and well baked, soggy and limp 5/10
Presentation: Triple stacked, long and flat appearance 7/10
Value for money: $5.20 - medium portion size, more mess than gratification 6/10
Overall score: 6.4/10

With a stop in Ashgrove on my way home I stumbled upon a bakery I’d never seen or heard of before. It was my obligation to scope out the vanilla slice options, with a half and half French vanilla on offer. Selling at a slightly higher than normal $5.50 I wasn’t sure how the slice would handle under the microscope. Thankfully the custard wasn’t as gelatinous as I first thought and it had a nice vanilla creaminess to it. When eaten with the whipped cream it was especially light and airy. The main problem was the three layers of thin pastry that proved to be limp and not up to task. With a slice constructed like this, it required rigidity and a backbone. It buckled under the pressure and filling oozed out in every direction. Though a nice colour and thickness, the pastry just had the wrong texture and substance. I might find myself back here for another sample, as it was hard to tell if the pasty was indeed just stale or in fact the ingredients used meant the texture was not quite right. I’ll keep you posted...

Filling: Light and fluffy vanilla cream custard 8/10
Pastry: Dark and distinguished flaky layers 8.5/10
Presentation: Triple stacked and decoratively iced 8/10
Value for money: $4.70- medium portion size, messy but satisfying 9//10
Overall score: 8.4/10

My mid week review was one of the worst I’ve had to write up in recent times, so I was keen to restore balance once more over the weekend. Driving through Ashgrove I stumbled across a very popular and inviting looking Gerbino’s. With nothing to lose I parked up and strolled in. I was impressed by the variety and quality of items on sale, and was tempted by the Amore Mille-fuielle which was decoratively presented with piped custard and fruit topping, but thought it best to purchase the nearest and dearest relative to the Snot Block. Selling at a very reasonable $4.70 the slice had some excellent characteristics; namely the fresh whipped custard and darkly baked layers of flaky pastry.

I started by picking up the entire slice and taking careful bites as not to upset the balance of filling, but this proved a pointless task. The whole thing collapsed after a few more nibbles and I consumed the rest like a custard addict with no cutlery. Overall the slice was a pleasant experience and proved excellent value for money. The pastry was very dark, approaching the point of burntness, but was lacking the rich biscuity taste you sometimes get with similar patisserie products. Flaky and fresh nonetheless and good value with three layers. The custard was more like a fresh whipped vanilla cream, though it had a little more substance to it than that. A definite subtle vanilla taste present and airy and messy as you like. The French vanilla slice was proportionally excellent and finished with neat layer of decorated icing on top that gave the dark savoury pastry the sweet edge it needed to balance it out. I’ll be back, no doubt!

Filling: Unclassified, yellow plastic 1/10
Pastry: Fatty and soggy 2.5/10
Presentation: Damien Hirst chocolate pattern, glad wrapped 4/10
Value for money: $3.20- medium portion size, unpalatable 2/10
Overall score: 2.4/10

The urge for a vanilla slice normally leads me to rational decision making but with a 5am early (kid) wake up I was in need of one regardless. The alarm bells were deafening on this one in the pretty low end looking Vulture Street bakery. With a bargain price of $3.20 I might even argue that this is $3 overpriced. Clearly catering for heavy foot traffic with schools nearby, the slices are pre-wrapped in glad wrap and set within an inch of their lives with gelatin.

The pastry looked suspect from the get-go and the lifeless sheets when picked up illustrated the point perfectly. Soggy and under baked, it didn’t even taste nice. The fatty after taste was quite off putting actually. The custard was predictably poor, but worse still completely devoid of taste and creaminess. Not even a custard. The icing was the best element and sticky with my warm fingers. $3.20 for half decent icing doesn’t work for me. Never mind, next...

Filling: Rich, eggy vanilla custard 9.5/10
Pastry: Golden, buttery, caramelised and flaky as you get 10/10
Presentation: Neatly stacked and encased in acetate sheet 8.5/10
Value for money: $5.50 - medium portion size, delectable 10//10
Overall score: 9.5/10

With some pretty lacklustre vanilla slices attempted since my big interstate move, I had yet to find something good let alone outstanding. I googled ‘best vanilla slice in Brisbane’ in need of some inspiration and the first result brought up reviews of Flour and Chocolate Patisserie. With two venues to choose from I selected the Northgate store as I was heading out towards Ikea for the afternoon.

With a queue out the door and round the corner Mrs B insisted we drove on, but I knew that a queue was a good sign. Waiting patiently for 20 minutes I entered the store, only to watch the tray of vanilla slices deplete before my very eyes and more and more people ordered one from in front of me in the queue. Thankfully I took the penultimate slice and ordered a jam donut, a vegan sponge cake for the kids and some hot drinks and took them snuggly back to the car.

The kids smashed the sponge cake with coconut cream icing and fresh fruit with minimal effort, Mrs B chowed down on her jam donut and was left content and I carefully unwrapped and elevated the tri-layer beauty to my lips. This is what I’ve been waiting for....

With dark golden pastry and rich yellow custard it wa s evident this was going to be a thing of quality. The pastry was rich and dark and extremely flaky. The top layer had an additional crunch when bitten, like a rich buttery caramelised sugar biscuit. Outstanding. The custard was actually custard. Cream, vanilla, egg and a little agent used to thicken the mixture. It slid around, spurted out the sides and caused me all sorts of chaos, but it was delicious and very fulfilling. One of the best selling points is actually the price. Other bakeries and patisseries selling this sort of standard food would charge $7-9 dollars for one of these. Excellent value, excellent ingredients, just a shame about the queue.

Filling: Slimey, unclassified substance 1/10
Pastry: Baked OK, but middle layer soggy 5/10
Presentation: Effort made to present but obvious warning signs visible 6/10
Value for money: $5.30 - medium portion size, throw away job 2/10
Overall score: 3.5/10

I’ve experienced the good and the bad at patisseries in Australia before, but today I experienced the ridiculous. I bought a triple-stack French vanilla slice from La Vosh, along with a raspberry macaroon for Mrs B (who turned out to be most satisfied by her sweet treat). The slice looked risky from the get go, but after ordering some takeaway coffees the urge kicked in and I felt like a gamble.

With somewhat messy fondant icing covering the top layer of pastry and the bright yellow custard visible through the paper casing, I suspected the pastry itself might be a little soggy. I was right with my guess, but I was not expecting to be as surprised by the filling. In contrast the pastry was relatively well baked; a nice thickness, just not fresh and a little soggy (especially the middle layer). The filling however was the most curious I’ve experienced in a long while. A texture a little like cookie dough, with bits breaking away and a sliminess to it that made it a little stomach churning. It’s hard to analyse fully. The taste was almost non existent but just a little sweet if anything. The icing was clumsily applied and very average in contact to the filling. This was not a cheap product , selling at over five dollars. In contrast the coffees were decent. Certainly not a French vanilla slice as I know it, maybe a different part of France I’ve ver been to.