Filling: Swiss cheese custard mix  3.5/10
Pastry: Under baked but a slight crisp 4/10
Presentation: Old school, traditional passionfruit topping 7/10
Value for money: $4.00- Pretty average all round  5/10
             Overall score: 4.9/10
​

Stop one of a long drive to the South Australian border. Very traditional vanilla slices are being sold at this trendy little bakery in Winchelsea - the ADHD pink icing offering or the passionfruit icing variety. Obviously selecting the latter, I chomped this thing down quickly. Its consumption benefited from being set like a jelly rather than an oozing custard bite scenario. The custard was bland and pretty flavourless, as were the anemic pastry layers. The only real sweetness came from the icing, which was actually the highlight of the slice. A welcome pit stop but not a great vanilla slice.

Filling: Average creamy custard  5.5/10
Pastry: Well baked, thin layers, but soggy 5/10
Presentation: Very average, uninspiring tri-layer effort 5.5/10
Value for money: $4.90- Yesterday's offering at today's price  3.5/10
             Overall score: 4.9/10
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Mrs B brought me home dessert whilst out at Westfield - Result! Unfortunately, the slice in question was not made today, but most probably yesterday. This made the pastry pretty hopeless for cutting into smaller chunks. Freshness really let this vanilla slice down, as sadly the pastry was actually a good thickness, consistency and golden baked. A very average cream custard mix filled the pastry layers, and was not overly vanilla flavoured. A rather measly dusting of icing sugar left me wishing this thing at least had vanilla icing on top - but sadly not. I've said this before; cafes like this should have the decency to sell slightly stale goods at a knocked down price. 

Filling: A mountain of heavy, thickened whipped cream  7/10
Pastry: Puffed layers (not fresh), bottom layer soggy 5/10
Presentation: Rustic and homemade 8/10
Value for money: $5 (estimate)- Giant portion but not innovative 6/10
             Overall score: 6.5/10
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Cafe Bear and Scoobs was a fortuitous find through Twitter, but turned out to be a very welcome stop whilst in Geelong. I loved the friendly welcome and the overall vibe inside, not to mention the fantastic Central Perk-style mugs of coffee. What did annoy me though was being served yesterday's portion of vanilla slice when a freshly baked batch just got delivered from the kitchen. To add insult to injury, the bottom layer of cardboard- I mean pastry, was practically impossible to cut with any sharp implement. The jam and mammoth serving of cream was tasty but way too rich and as a result the slice remained unfinished. I do much prefer the tight flaky layers of pastry as I feel these tend to retain more crisp to the bite over their 'allowed to puff' cousins. Therefore most of what was left was indeed the pastry layers. Nevermind about the vanilla slice incident, but I will be back for another mug of coffee in the future.

Filling: Average creamy custard  6.5/10
Pastry: Soggy bottom, dry top, too thick and not fresh  4/10
Presentation: Tri-layer, pastry:filling ratio wrong, neatly wrapped  6/10
Value for money: $5.50 (estimate) - Decent portion but a bit meh 7/10
             Overall score: 5.9/10
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Heading down Lygon street en route to the musuem I took a punt at grabbing a takeaway vanilla slice from Filou's. With only two remaining, I should have known that the batch were baked yesterday. For the higher than average price I would have expected more from a 'French patisserie'. The pastry was the real let down; three heavy, slightly wooden layers that were too thick. The top layer was too dry under the slab of icing, and the middle and bottom layers too soggy under the weight of the custard. There was no real flavour or richness to the sheets either - so pretty much lacking in all areas here. The custard, again, was very underwhelming. An OK consistency, but lacking richness and vanilla flavour. The icing too was not up to scratch. Too thick in its construction and not overly sweet. Would I return to Filou's? Not for a vanilla slice, but maybe for something savoury.

Filling: Piped vanilla cream custard  6.5/10
Pastry: Fresh, crisp and robust  7.5/10
Presentation: Tri-layer offering, pastry join visible, average piping  7/10
Value for money: $4.50 - Decent portion, tasty but not blown away 7/10
             Overall score: 7/10
​​

Walking through North Melbourne on a Saturday afternoon I spotted an opportunity for a French pastry and a coffee. I duly obliged, sitting down to a pain au chocolat and mille-feuille styled vanilla slice with the family. Mrs B noted that the sweet brioche pain au chocolat was nearly as good as the Parisian Baker in Essendon, though it lacked any creme patissiere to really rival our beloved local patisserie. My vanilla slice was fresh and a decent value for the area. The pastry was baked to a slightly harder than usual state, making a clean cut through with a knife somewhat challenging. The filling comprised of sizable lines of piped creme custard. There was some vanilla content present but not overly abundant. The texture, though smooth had more than a hint of  cornflour about it - obviously their thickening agent preference over an egg yolk. All up, not bad - but could do better.

Filling: Sweet vanilla scented custard  7/10
Pastry: Biscuit-like, dulce de leche inclusion, crisp and rich  9.5/10
Presentation: Flatter than the average, neatly assembled  7/10
Value for money: $3.50 - Decent portion, very rich, fresh as a daisy! 8/10
             Overall score: 7.9/10
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In a suburban backstreet of Sunshine North lurks a small, mainly derelict shopping strip with an unassuming South American bakery propped in the middle. There's plenty of people coming in and out, proving these guys clearly have great word of mouth custom. I purchased an interesting looking vanilla slice, Mrs B a dulce de leche circular puff tart. Clearly dulce de leche is heavily used in South American baking as even my pastry included a thin later of the sweet caramel spread nestled inside the biscuit-like layers. This made the whole thing incredibly rich, but enormously satisfying. The custard was average by comparison, but still rather nice; a decent consistency and sweet, but perhaps lacking in quantity compared to the overall size of the slice. Mrs B found the dulce de leche tart very rich, but did well to finish the whole thing on her own! A great little find off the beaten track.

Filling: Lackluster, bland, unsweetened cream  4/10
Pastry: Bullet-hard layers of tasteless pastry  4/10
Presentation: Oozy and enticing  8/10
Value for money: $5.50 - Decent portion, very disappointing 3/10
             Overall score: 4.75/10
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Had I read the reviews of this chain on Zomato prior to making my purchase, I might have reconsidered doing so. Nevertheless, a vanilla slice came home with me for a hefty $5.50 and I proceeded to eat it. This is not a vanilla slice worthy of being sold in a patisserie, or at least what I would expect a patisserie to sell if they are worth their salt. Clearly in Australia the word patisserie is thrown around and standards vary hugely compared with mainland Europe. The pastry was tasteless, overabundant and actually too hard - causing real trouble cutting and biting through. The cream filling was a real disappointment too; an effortless, bland dollup of bog-standard cream that forgot to include any texture, richness and vanilla content. I ate a little over half and threw the rest away in anger. These guys really are making a poor product and selling it at a ridiculous price.

Filling: Sweetened whipped cream and lumpy strawberry jam 7.5/10
Pastry: Golden, crumbly yet firm to pick up 9/10
Presentation: Long, rustic and authentically Italian  8.5/10
Value for money: $4.75 - Large portion, tasty, overly sweet and rich  8/10
             Overall score: 8.25/10
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When driving down the Princes Freeway to Geelong, I like nothing better than an excuse for a small diversion for coffee and cake. I stopped at the lesser known Domani Pasticceria in Hoppers Crossing based upon a recommendation from a blog reader a while ago. The place is well hidden from the street and looked closed initially. However, once inside the lovely lady behind the counter soon provided us with sustenance. The vanilla slice is a cross between a mille-feuille and a cream slice - with big dollops of lumpy strawberry jam scattered amongst the sweetened (but sadly lacking vanilla) cream.  The pastry was excellent; very flaky, firm to pick up and yet easy to bite through. With sugar in the cream, sugar dusted on top and sugar in the jam the whole slice was slightly too sweet for my liking, Well worth the small detour into unknown territory for something familiar yet very different.

Filling: Vanilla flavoured fluffy, creamy custard 7.5/10
Pastry: Golden but lacking flakiness  6/10
Presentation: Tall, but narrow slice, neatly dusted  7/10
Value for money: $6 - Smallish size, tasty, but not indulgent  6/10
             Overall score: 6.6/10
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My visiting guest (and recent vanilla slice enthusiast) Flaky J and I fancied a cycle, so we left Essendon and followed the Maribryrong river all the way to Williamstown. We dismounted the bikes and took shelter from the drizzle at Schwabs Galley. The customary vanilla slice was ordered, halved and set upon like rabid dogs. The portion, though tall and proud was slightly small and expensive for the $6 price tag. The actual quality was also lacking, with the pastry rather dry and missing some vital crunch. The creamy vanilla cream had some nice bounce, with subtle vanilla inclusion, but lacking some richness from an egg or two. If homemade - nice try, but I suspect these guys are bought in, subdivided and sold for a premium.

Filling: Light, airy vanilla speckled cream 7.5/10
Pastry: Truly divine. Dark, biscuity, perfect  10/10
Presentation: Innovative yet nostalgic  9/10
Value for money: $4.50 - Fresh, quirky and fun to eat - just not right 7.5/10
             Overall score: 8.5/10
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En route home from our Williamstown cycle, Flaky J and I stopped in Spotswood to have a punt on the infamous vanilla slice doughnut that has eluded my clutches for the last two years. With my good luck companion in tow we actually triumphed - buying the second to last doughnut remaining late in the day. The vanilla slice doughnut is actually a well designed hybrid with some excellent features, but unfortunately the heart and soul of the doughnut (the vanilla custard) just did not hit the spot. With a lighter than air vanilla cream filling sparingly pumped inside there just wasn't enough filling in comparison to the overall size of the shell. The real hero here was the stunning disk of indulgent, biscuity, flaky pastry. If only these guys made actual vanilla slices using the vanilla custard they pump inside their vanilla custard doughnuts and the stunning pastry from this.

Filling: Vanilla flavoured fluffy, creamy custard 7.5/10
Pastry: Golden and thin, but not ultra crisp and flaky 6/10
Presentation: Healthy sized portion, proportionally sound  8/10
Value for money: $4.80 - Good size, tasty, but not 'just baked'  7/10
             Overall score: 7.1/10
​

With few places left to sample in the South Melbourne area I opted for Romano's coffee whilst walking through the parade. What initially struck me was the overall look of quality custard and pastry, plus the generous sized portion. With my first bite the pastry revealed itself to be ever so slightly stale - well lacking real crunch anyway. With a good colour and bake to it the overall freshness was a let down. The custard, however, proved to be a a decent component. It's viscosity just right; it oozed out the sides with each bite and had definite vanilla content in the mixture. A light dusting of icing sugar gave the portion just enough sweetness to want more. Not a bad slice if on the neighbourhood.

Filling: Indulgent and rich eggy custard, lacking vanilla  7.5/10
Pastry: Heavenly, golden caramelized flaky layers 10/10
Presentation: Beautifully presented, excellent proportions 9.5/10
Value for money: $5.50 (estimate) - Good size, fresh, lovingly made  8.5/10
             Overall score: 8.8/10
​

The only vanilla slice stop for the return leg of my Sydney to Melbourne road trip took me to Bowral - about 90 minutes drive from Sydney. With vast medals in multiple categories from years at the Sydney Royal show I had to sample their 'famous' vanilla slice.

​With a French mille-feuille appearance I was straight away seduced by the time and effort put into its glamorous aesthetics. Neatly cut in half, Flaky J and I took half each and devoured in less than a minute. Noticeably the best pastry from the trip and faultless as far as I'm concerned. Dark, buttery, crisp, flaky and a perfect thickness for three even layers. To my disappointment the rich custard offered little to no vanilla content and although a perfect viscosity and richness this really let down the overall experience. The icing was another star of the show; thin, crisp and sticky when heated on the finger tip. Not a bad effort guys, but please add more vanilla.

Filling: Oozy vanilla cream custard  8.5/10
Pastry: Biscuit-like fresh layers of golden pastry 8.5/10
Presentation: Triple stacked and passion fruit iced 8.5/10
Value for money: $5.50 (estimate) - Good size, fresh and delicious  9/10
             Overall score: 8.6/10
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My first suburban Sydney slice took me to picturesque Drummoyne. Their bakery had some wonderful looking cakes and I took a passion fruit iced slice and a chocolate custard eclair back to home base for Mrs B to chomp. Prior to the car journey back the vanilla slice was not damaged and looked slightly better than the picture, though after cutting into bits for sharing it really made no difference. Flaky J agreed that this was indeed the best slice of the trip so far and was far better assembled than anything else we experienced on the road.

The three layers of fresh, golden flaky pastry cut beautifully and were rich and biscuity. The whipped creamy custard oozed with each bite and offered a purposeful hit of vanilla each time. It would have been slightly more pleasurable to see the specks of fresh vanilla running through the custard to further improve the experience. Finally the subtle and not overly-sweet passion fruit icing was delicate and offered a lovely fresh after taste to the piece. My only regret is that I did not buy two to share! Mrs B also confirmed that this was by far the best chocolate eclair she had ever eaten, with a stunning chocolate custard filling that was more like a ganache. Great bakery, well worth the trip.

Filling: Nicely textured but tasteless custard  5/10
Pastry: Thin, crisp sheets  7.5/10
Presentation: Regimented and attractive, great portion sizes  8/10
Value for money: $3.50 - Attractive, enticing, but not indulgent   6/10
             Overall score: 6.6/10

With these guys always featuring in the winners list for the Annual Vanilla Slice Competition I felt obligated to drive through Euroa en route to Sydney. A neat little establishment offering two types of vanilla slice (traditional and continental) I ordered one of each and shared them with my travel buddy Flaky J. Although easy to cut, plate up and consume due to the fresh sheets of crisp pastry we were left questioning where the overall richness and vanilla flavour was. Both varieties, although soundly constructed were a bit tastless and generic. The continental slice offered an extra layer of very airy and unsweetened whipped cream and a slightly murky chocolate icing. Altogether, disappointing for stop 1 of the road trip. Good luck at the competition!

Filling: Whipped cream vanilla custard  8/10
Pastry: Light, slightly soft tri-layered 5.5/10
Presentation: Long and tall construction, decoratively iced 7.5/10
Value for money: $4.75 - Good size, fresh, but pastry lacking  6/10
             Overall score: 6.75/10
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Stop three of the Melbourne to Sydney road trip offered another World's biggest - this time the World's biggest concrete ram! Flaky J can be pictured next to the beast for scale purposes in case you're wondering. Famous Trappers Bakery offers the whole package; open log fire, baked goods and an adjoining motel in case you over indulge. The vanilla slice on offer was completely different to the previous two of the day, with a creamy vanilla custard sandwiched between three long, thin sheets of pastry. Sadly the quality of the pastry didn't match the tasty and rich creamy custard. A real hit of vanilla was present in the filling and a slight chocolate undertone was detected in each bite from the decorative iced topping. Not only was the pastry underbaked and slightly flaccid, it was practically impossible to cut was the flimsy plastic knife on offer. 

Filling: Gelatinous, eggy slimey custard  2/10
Pastry: Uncooked, soggy sheets 1/10
Presentation: Flattened, unorthodox, almost frozen desert looking 1/10
Value for money: $4 (estimate) - Extremely poor quality, daylight robbery 0.5/10
             Overall score: 1/10
​

This place comes highly recommended, but sadly this woeful attempt at the humble vanilla slice was highly lacking and would feature in my hall of shame (if there was one). The appearance was dubious from the word go, but I was hoping the flavours would make up for that. Sadly not the case. The gelatinous, eggy 'custard' was minimal and lacking sweetness and creaminess. The 'pastry' holding the whole thing together felt like a poorly thawed out frozen dessert. Soggy in its texture and completely flavourless and far removed from any sort of puff or flaky pasty that would be normal. The most pathetic amount of icing sugar topped the slice, making this the worst one I've had this year. 

Filling: Whipped cream pudding mix  6/10
Pastry: Fluffy, light, puffed layers 8/10
Presentation: Homemade, handsome and rustic 7.5/10
Value for money: $6.50 - Beautifully fresh, extremely rich 7.5 /10
             Overall score: 7.25/10
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Mrs B, baby B and myself found this place completely fortuitously whilst strolling the high street. We sat down in the lovely back yard deck next to the bar and enjoyed a pot and one of 'Mum's homemade vanilla slices' in the lunchtime sun. I reckon Mum might have made this; with very homemade puffed pastry and an overly sweet pudding mix cream filling. A thin layer of  strawberry (I think) jam made the whole thing even sweeter, so much so that I had to leave two mouthfuls of the giant portion. Whilst this thing was fun to pull apart and chomp, it was not how I like my vanilla slices these days. I admire the effort made to put put authentic home baked cakes in such a unique setting.