In need of some mid morning caffeine I popped into Marci - a cafe a bit further up Glenferrie Road than my previous stops. Selling a variety of baked goods and hearty salads, I ordered what looked devilishly like a vanilla slice, to be told it was actually a passionfruit custard slice. With the same key ingredients in its makeup, I figured I’d eat and review it regardless.

Starting with the price, I spent $9.50 on a small latte and this little slice, so I assume it would have been $5-5.50 on its own. That didn’t seem too steep considering the suburb, the presentation and thought that had gone into its creation and with any luck...freshness. Unfortunately what let this slice down entirely was its freshness. The pastry was presented in dark, golden, buttery layers but had very little bite to them. The final few mouthfuls became a potential custard catastrophe waiting to happen as they wilted and sagged under the pressure. The custard itself was very nicely made, with a rich egg base, heavy cream content and vanilla bean speckles running throughout. The icing too full of flavour, containing a mottled passionfruit and freeze fried berry combo that was extremely tasty with the custard.

I’d be happy to head back and try another one of these fresh from the kitchen, as I don’t feel that this review is a true reflection of a potentially very nice product. Perhaps a re-review in the near future.

With my kids thinking 5am is a sensible wake up time we headed out early to enjoy the morning sun at a nearby market in Maroochydore. I stumbled across some yummy looking treats from a Nambour Bakery, so dually obliged by handing over my $4.50 for one of their vanilla slices. Advertised on their website as selling “unique cakes” I have to agree. There were some unusual options for Mrs B to choose from, including a Cointreau slice and various others I have since forgotten, but I pay particular attention to the uniqueness of their vanilla slice.

Many of my reviews lean towards a lack of butter and richness in slices, but this one had far too much and became very overpowering towards the later bites. The custard wasn’t so much creamy as it was buttery, with only a hint of vanilla and sweetness to mention. The pastry would have probably been outstanding with a lighter whipped creamy custard, but instead got lost. One thing to pick out was the brûlée taste that came from an unknown source. I’m not sure if the pastry has been bruleed somehow, but it certainly was unique and somewhat of a mystery. This turned out to be my last vanilla slice in the Sunshine Coast family break.

The family and I headed out to the famous Eumundi Markets on a beautifully sunny Saturday on the Sunshine Coast. Needing to keep my daughter happy in the push chair I strolled up the high street and stumbled upon the Eumundi Bakehouse. Faced with a stairway entry and no ramp, I lifted her up (with no offers of any help from people watching by the way) and snooped at their cake cabinets.

Selling two versions of a vanilla slice (French and Continental) I opted for the iced Continental. Working my way back through the markets I stopped to eat the slice and had numerous passers-by stare at me, point and some even ask where the vanilla slices were on sale. Nevertheless, I chowed down from within the bag and the experience was quite pleasant overall. Most identifiable was the ratio of pastry to custard and how the pastry needed further reinforcement from being baked longer to become firmer in the triple layer construction. The custard was tasty enough, with some vanilla content evident, but there just wasn’t enough of it in my humble opinion. Even though the day was hot, the icing didn’t weld itself to my fingers thankfully. Great markets too by the way, highly recommend!

Local chain Crust were due a visit for a Snot Blog review so I took away one of their vanilla slices and a chocolate eclair for Mrs B from their Kunda Park store. Admittedly the slice was packaged for the ride back to the holiday house in the car, but even in the display case it still looked patchy and inconsistently dusted. The custard had a noticeable yellow colour, though this was not due to egg content I would later find out. The mixture felt like a creamed vanilla pudding mix, lacking in texture or airiness you get from a good whipped custard. The pastry was fresh at least, but it’s bake was quite blonde, and well puffed compared to a compacted wafer-style thin layer that is easier to pick up and hold. Whilst attempting to pick this up like a sandwich the slice drooped and flopped, causing some close calls with the floor. Mrs B was initially very happy with the aesthetics of the chocolate eclair, but with the first bite realised it was stale. Not great overall.

My first vanilla slice in over a month saw me head to Dutchy’s Bakehouse, some 1748km from home. Of course I was on holiday in the Sunshine Coast and searched for places nearby to grab one. Dutchy’s popped up on Google and my family and I swung by for morning tea en route to Australia Zoo. We were met with a warm Dutch welcome, offered freshly baked (still warm) ginger biscotti and there was even some chocolate croissant tasters to enjoy prior to even placing our order. My two young children loved the selection of games and activities placed on the tables whilst Mrs B and I washed down our cakes with a coffee.


The actual item in question was not only glamorous to look at, but thoroughly delicious and made with real passion. The pastry was outstanding, delectably thin and golden, flaky to to the bite and coated in finely spread Belgian chocolate to stop the moisture of the custard seeping in. The custard looked claggy for want of a better word but was utterly delicious, it’s texture was smooth, creamy and packed with vanilla, not set as I initially suspected. On top of the custard lay a hefty layer of beautifully whipped, fresh vanilla cream. The glossy, white icing contained yet more Belgian chocolate that added a beautiful bitterness against the sweetness of the other ingredients.


The pastry chef came out to chat with us further and the chefs wife also stopped to ensure we had a good experience. Mrs B thoroughly enjoyed her buttery chocolate croissant and the coffees too were top notch. An awesome bakery, lovely staff and quality products on offer. Potentially pricey for some, but I personally don’t mind paying a little more for quality.

I found myself in a part of Melbourne I’d not been before so thought it wise to stop at a bakery in the neighbourhood. You know, it’s quite refreshing to pay for a vanilla slice with a five dollar note and receive a handful of change these days. I sat outside the bakery and smashed this one in less than a minute. I was equally as surprised by the quality of the item. Dark, flaky, almost short bread-like pastry that crumbled and broke off in rich shards of sugary goodness. A sweet, vanilla cream custard filling and messy fingers to follow. A slightly more compacted pastry would have been beneficial for picking up and chomping through, but for the most part a recommendation for anyone that is driving past and only has a pocket full of change.

Sharing a neighbourhood with Aviv Bakery, I opted for a bakery I’d not tried before, just down the road in Elsternwick. I popped into Benjamin’s and took out a beef and red wine pie and neatly presented triple stacked vanilla slice. Having burnt the roof of my mouth on the scolding hot pie filling, I needed to cool the burn with custard. Breaking the slice into two horizontally, I picked it up and consumed it in two smaller servings. I instantly noticed some crunchy pastry and this allowed for easy slice manipulation. Though crunchy, the pastry lacked depth of flavour and richness, as did the custard. More of a whipped cream with a hint of custard powder, it was light and fluffy, but not a deep, luxurious custard. Selling at Patisserie prices, but pieced together with standard bakery components, next time I might return to Aviv’s when in the area.

Missing the turnoff for The French Lettuce for a cheeky revisit, I stumbled across Angelo Pasticceria a few blocks north instead. Selling a range of authentic Italian items and a handful of Australian baked goods I was pleased to see a half decent looking vanilla slice. Handing over a five dollar note and receiving $1.30 in return, I was satisfied with the price of my selected item. Standing in a nearly cut square cuboid shape with a thickish white icing atop, the proportions looked encouraging and the pastry thin and crispy looking. The custard was definitively yellow in colour and looked thick and claggy for want of a better term. In terms of taste and texture, it’s safe to note that the pastry was not flaky or crunchy, but potentially soft due to being slightly stale. The custard was completely tasteless other than unnecessarily sweet. No vanilla, no creaminess, no egg. Nothing. I enjoyed the texture of the icing, but due to the sweetness of the custard, it was actually redundant. Next...

Heading to Healesville for a sunny day out at the sanctuary, A half way pit stop was required for morning tea. I dived into Madeleine’s Bakery and left with a seldom seen $3 vanilla slice. An average sized portion, consisting of two hefty slabs of tightly packed puff pastry, uneven in colour, but satisfactorily keeping at bay a decent stack of somewhat set custard. Starting with the positives; the custard had a nice creamy taste to it, nothing too surprising but pleasant enough. The icing was probably the best component; thin, glossy and a delivering nice amount of sweetness. The pastry looked like it might have been flaky and buttery, but sadly it was bland and starting to go soggy from the moisture. Potentially a day old? I didn’t feel too disgruntled, having only parted with $3. I chowed down in a few short bites, before the kids in the back started asking questions of “where’s mine?”.

Filling: Rubbery yellow custard 4.5/10
Pastry: Tightly packed thin layers with some crispness 5.5/10
Presentation: Dubiously set, bulging filling 3/10
Value for money: $unknown - Medium portion size, day old so not fully consumed 5/10
Overall score: 4.5/10

Mid afternoon on the Tuesday after the long weekend, my colleague informs me of a gift that he’d forgotten to give me earlier. From the cupboard and not the fridge he pulls out a brown paper bag with vanilla slice held within. He had picked it up yesterday heading home from Mount Buller, and had brought the slice in and left it in the cupboard! As not to seem rude, but slightly concerned about a potential upset stomach from its lack of refrigeration, I delicately plunged a finger into the rubbery filling that revealed itself to be pulled apart in chunks. I also endeavoured to nibble at the edge of the slice as to sample some of the pastry with the custard. Though a day old and unrefrierated for 6 or so hours, the pastry still had some life left in it, proving to be slightly crispy and clearly unaffected by moisture due to the solidified texture of the custard filling. Though this review might not be 100% accurate due to the nature of my tasting and unknown price,, one can deduce that the pastry when fresh probably would have been pretty decent, the custard not so much.

Stopping in Werribee town centre for a bite to eat prior to visiting the Open Range Zoo, I popped into what I thought would be a French themed Patisserie, only to discover a low key, pretty drab Aussie/Vietnamese bakery. Displayed rather appertisingly in the cake cabinet was three vanilla slice offerings, all sized large. The traditional vanilla slice had a thick layer of poor quality looking icing, the French vanilla included a layer of bright white whipped cream and this ‘custilla’ slice seemed the best of a bad bunch. It’s only when I uncovered it from its bag I saw the actual colour of the filling and the predictably dry boards of dark pastry with much of the sugar now removed. Failing to take a cross sectional bite, it opted for breaking the slice in half through the filling and eating It like an open sandwich instead. After a few bites I had already made the decision not to eat the other half, with utter disappointment that the filling was nothing more than a bland whipped cream mix that was lacking vanilla, sweetness or any notable flavour. The pastry too was abnormally thick and sucked all of the moisture out of my mouth with each bite. Following the disposal of the redundant second half I downed a pint of water to get some moisture back in my body!

Filling: Oozing, airy vanilla custard 7.5/10
Pastry: Partially firm, quite biscuity 7/10
Presentation: Nothing flash, lightly dusted 6/10
Value for money: $5.50 - Reasonably priced overall 8/10
Overall score: 7.4/10

Originally visiting Danish Nosh in December 2018, I reviewed the vanilla slice at 4.15/10, mostly due to the two features circled in the far right image (1. fatty, uncooked pastry, 2. Smooshed custard poorly presented). Management reached out and felt I return to try again, so I did.

Thankfully, this time the vanilla slice I received was much fresher and a damn sight better looking. With only two slices left by mid afternoon, they clearly sell what they bake, so chances of a stale one seem lower for Joe Average popping by on a whim. The slice now sells at $5.50 (originally $4 on my first visit), though I don’t mind paying a little more for a quality product. One would assume that the slice is the same size as before and made of the same ingredients, but it looks like quality control has improved, to coincide with the cost increase perhaps.

This time round the pastry was a much darker colour and firmer texture. It’s hardness caused significant amounts of custard to erupt from the sides when chomped. The custard was still tasty, like previously, but much fresher this time.

I’m pleased I returned. Hopefully the owners are satisfied that I’m not looking to tarnish people’s reputations, but merely make note of my experiences for the everyday vanilla slice consumer doing the rounds.

Suffering with my first winter illness, I wasn’t able to venture too far from home. With a planned trip to a local pharmacy for cold and flu meds, I swung by Woolworths and noticed the vanilla slices on offer at $4.50 for a box of two (normally $5). Compelled to try, I purchased and took home. Only after taking out the first slice, I read the packaging which described that the slices are frozen from fresh and later thawed. This explained by the first slice was still frozen and pretty tough to get through. Upon eating the second slice I allowed it to sit at room temperature for 30 mins, this time with much better results!

I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of the ingredients and the custard was surprisingly smooth, creamy and vanilla flavoured. When frozen it was like a vanilla ice cream, but when thawed out it oozed everywhere when bitten. The ooze effect was also due to the softened pastry, having defrosted and become slightly soggy. I can imagine that these layers would have been pretty good when freshly baked; a golden brown colour, thin and flaky.

The only element I didn’t really enjoy was the icing; quite soft and grainy, though the dark chocolate swirls were a rather nice touch.

Filling: Vanilla speckled creme patissiere 9/10
Pastry: Outstandingly created and decadent 10/10
Presentation: Artisan with fancy brûlée pattern 9/10
Value for money: $6.50 (estimate) - Totally worth every cent 10/10
Overall score: 9.5/10

I walked past Ned’s heading towards my lunch spot and was tempted. I stopped at Ned’s walking back to the car, and the family and I sat cozily on the busy street and devoured our spot of afternoon tea. Two coffees, a babycino, my vanilla slice and a vegan brownie for Mrs B totalled $21, so I estimated the fancy Mille-feuille slice to be somewhere in the $6/7 bracket. Pricey yes, but a high end Patisserie in a swanky neighbourhood normally command this price tag. That’s not to say that you always get value for money, but this time I most certainly did.

Presented using some tried and tested bakers techniques, including the piped domes of custard, this thing looked classy from the get go. The pastry looked divine; devilishly buttery, dark brown and tightly compacted...and it was. Some of the finest pastry I’ve eaten. I would snack on shards of this stuff on its own if it was for sale. The top layer even more delicious with the burnt sugar topping that made the whole thing taste of rich caramel. The custard too was excellent, and actually quite subtle in its flavour. Though boasting the black speckled vanilla bean it wasn’t overly sweet and had a velvety creaminess and hint of egg. The balance of the slice was excellent and ticked all of the sweet and savoury components, and proved quite tricky, but pleasurable to eat.

Filling: Suprisingly good vanilla custard 7.5/10
Pastry: Rich, multi-layered, crumbly and flaky 8.5/10
Presentation: Unusually all one coloured, pastry flaked decoration on top 6/10
Value for money: $5.50 - Big price tag but big on flavour 7/10
Overall score: 7.25/10

In an unknown part of Melbourne I was eager to stop for a crafty vanilla slice at a bakery. With a few along the main high street if Balaclava, I settled for Baker in the Rye, specialising in traditional European breads, cakes and pastries. At $5.50 the Napoleon slice was tricky to predict, with the custard and the pastry looking decidedly similar in colour. With no icing or dusted sugar on top, the slice was instead decorated with tiny crumbs of flaked pastry. When picked up for the first time, the top layer was supringly soft, revealing itself to be the custard with a small amount of the pastry dust on top. The remaining 4 or 5 layers of pastry were flaky and had a good crunch to them, and very delicate in their construction. Sandwiched in between was actual custard, not just cream. The custard had a good sweetness to offset all of the more savoury pastry, with more than a hint of vanilla. Clearly a traditional recipe and method of presentation, seldom seen on my hunt. Quite honestly more fulfilling than I initially expected, but potentially a dollar too expensive.

Filling: Pretty average custard 5.5/10
Pastry: Better than expected but not freshly baked 6/10
Presentation: Slightly dishevelled, not a looker 4/10
Value for money: $4 - Resonably priced but not great 6/10
Overall score: 5.4/10

In need of a caffeine hit and some sugar for morning tea at the neighbouring Queens Park, Mrs B went on a mission to grab me a latte and a vanilla slice “if it looked good”. I stayed at the park pushing my boy on the swings, and saw her return shortly after with the goods and the pram containing his sister. In a brown paper bag stowed below the pram, I took the slice out and was met with the image below. Potentially a rough ride into the park, or perhaps not a looker from the start, I picked up the specimen and chomped my way through. With slightly crunchier than expected pastry I was pleasantly surprised that they didn’t bend with sogginess and staleness, as predicted. Though not super flaky, they did offer some resistance and had some character. The custard too was OK; a thick, almost powdered consistency with a definite vanilla aftertaste but nothing too flash or noteworthy. I question the ratio of custard to pastry here, perhaps a square shaped, thicker slice would be more aesthetically pleasing than the slim rectangular effort.

Filling: Heavily set, flavourless custard 4/10
Pastry: Soggy, bendy layers 3/10
Presentation: Rectangular, glossy white icing 5.5/10
Value for money: $5 - Overpriced, poor quality product 4/10
Overall score: 4.1/10

Stopping at San Remo to catch the pelican feeding, I indulged in a vanilla slice to snack on as I walked. It proved to be quite a disappointment. Compatrible in characteristics to a Ferguson Plarre slice, though not as tasty, it was let down by lacklustre pastry and heavily set custard. It was most likely baked the day before as the sheets of pastry had become soft and flexible when picked up. The custard too barely moved, and in fact aided the slice from falling to pieces like an adhesive. It also lacked notable vanilla content, creaminess and of course, a terrible texture. The icing was the best element, but icing alone cannot be enough to win me over. If only I was allowed to feed the pelicans with my unwanted slice, I wouldn’t have had to throw it in the bin. Interesting to note that San Remo Bakehouse offer discounted “yesterday’s bread”, but clearly not the case with their other products.

Filling: Oozy creamy custard 7.5/10
Pastry: Thin, fresh but not mind blowing 6/10
Presentation: Squarely cut and dusted with good proportions 7.5/10
Value for money: $4 - Good price to fulfilment ratio 8/10
Overall score: 7.25/10

With a trip out to the country came and opportunity to grab lunch on the go from Marysville Bakery. With the town seemingly to myself on a quiet morning I breezed in, ordered and disappeared in a flash. Selling at $4 a pop the vanilla slices looked pretty good in their takeaway boxes, with a fresh, fluffy custard most notable. In my first bite I inhaled some sugar which brought about a coughing fit, but I pushed through and ate the slice in no time. The pastry gave me reassurance of freshness, with a nice crunch with each bite, though the actual flavour and richness was not as good as it could have been. The custard was probably the best element; with a smooth, creamy and light consistency that oozed out of the sides with each bite. I narrowly avoided a custard spillage, successfully transporting all contents into my mouth with military precision. Not a bad stop, great curry pie is also worth noting.

An interesting Greek twist on a vanilla slice that was a desert at a friends daughter’s birthday party. Similar in concept to baklava, but with baked semolina custard filling, the pastry element is filo soaked in honey or syrup. A rich golden colour and wafer thin, it had more than a hint of cinnamon and was delicious. The custard too was really tasty; full of egg, a hint of vanilla and a slight semolina texture, also allowing it to remain rigid enough to be cut and portioned. With only the two elements to concentrate on I took out two slices of this and would go back for more if I could. Better than birthday cake for sure! Not quite a vanilla slice as we know it, but effectively the same elements.

I was duped into buying this vanilla slice with only limited visibility of the shelf it sat on in Edgar’s Road Bakery Cafe. Had I seen the anemic pastry and set yellow custard it would have been a ‘walk slowly backwards and exit out the store’ moment. So when I unraveled the packaging in my car and took one look out of this thing, I knew it was going to be awful. I tentatively took a small bite from a corner, to discover that I wouldn’t attempt to even consume the ‘pastry’. Thick and uncompromising layers, they tasted somewhat like cardboard - totally disgusting. The custard was scraped out with a fork I had in the glove box and was just the right side of terrible. With the pastry out of action I too ignored the slab of icing on top, seeing no need to indulge in a kilo of sugar unnecessarily. I’m pretty sure that even the one in the school canteen tastes better than this one. Never again will I buy something I cannot fully see; lesson learned.

Filling: Crusty round the edge, slightly set generic mix 3.5/10
Pastry: Underbaked and lacking crunch 3/10
Presentation: Pretty standard rectangular effort 6/10
Value for money: $4 - Average portion size, not one to have again 4/10
Overall score: 4.1/10

A short pit stop on the way home from the park uncovered a new (or old) milk bar down Hoffman’s Road. My son and I sat down, he enjoyed his icy pole whilst I got a vanilla slice brought over to snack on.

The discolouration of the filling around some of the edges was evident upon close inspection, plus some layers of pastry that still looked a bit raw. Indeed this was the case when bitten. The filling was nothing more than a standard pudding mix that had been set with a hefty dose of gelling agent, clearly not freshly assembled due to the crusty and darker shade of mix around the edges. The pastry too was weak, very blonde in colour, lacking butter, richness and translucent in patches.

Though the components themselves weren’t great the overall taste wasn’t too bad, with a nice sweetness to finish from the half decent icing. Nevertheless, I didn’t finish the slice and left the crusty, unbaked areas on the plate upon exiting.

Filling: Serviceable vanilla custard 7/10
Pastry: Tightly compacted, somewhat dry 6/10
Presentation: Solid effort, professionally presented 8.5/10
Value for money: $4 - Average portion size, a cheeky surprise 8/10
Overall score: 7.8/10

Friday night, an hour to kill in Hawthorn after work, what else better to do than grab a burger and a vanilla slice from Glenferrie Road? Having never ventured into Picasso’s Cafe before, I wasn’t aware that they sold so much freshly made food, I naively assumed they were a pizza shop. I optimistically ordered two and sat down with my colleague Custard J, for us to both devour in house.

Served with a dusting of icing sugar and wrapped cutlery, I was satisfied with the initial quality of the product for a reasonable $4. J attempted a few cutting techniques with no luck, until I showed him the 90 degree rotate, tong grip, knife slide, tried and tested method I’ve come to adopt with utensils. Cutting into small pieces, it was immediately evident that the pasty was fresh, but exceptionally tough. Baked in tightly compacted dark brown layers, the texture proved quite dry instead of rich and flaky, potentially lacking butter content. The custard had a dark yellow colour and looked appertising, until the first cut revealed a more set texture than anticipated. Though creamy, sweet and flavoured with vanilla the custard lacked a bit of ooze when cut.

The real suprise came from the seemingly traditionally constructed icing, with white, glossy fondant drizzled with chocolate. Wrong. Coffee to be precise. A sweet, quite intense coffee flavour finished each mouthful, like a tiny shot of espresso, rather refreshing and completely unexpected.

A debut critique from J in the company of a connoisseur, with some shared satisfaction from a reasonably well executed slice.

It’s easy not to be seduced by the homemade appeal of this Goliath vanilla slice in Mount Martha. Undoubtedly the largest slab I’ve encountered in my time doing the blog, this thing sat unpredictably on my plate for a good few minutes prior to me beginning its deconstruction. With a few items to compare scale in the pictures, including my boy’s actual 1:1 scale London bus, you can clearly see the scale of the task. Easily enough for two, maybe three cake enthusiasts, it’s a shame my son is dairy intolerant as I might have let him loose on my leftovers here.

I’ve noticed that most of the slices I’ve eaten down the peninsula are larger than average, with successes occurring at Just Fine Food, Mount Martha Fine Foods and Baked in Sorrento. Sadly, this one did not follow suit in the pursuit of greatness. Though impressive in its construction and somewhat rare to see homemade puff pastry puffed to this extreme, the two layers on their own probably scaled 60mm. Thrown in between these sheets must have been a at least 500ml of whipped cream, sweetened and flavoured with vanilla. The sheer amount of ingredients almost killed me, and I had to stop with a third of the slice remaining.

The pastry seemed fresh, extremely crumbly and messy, and quite light due to its level of puff. It clearly contained butter in the mix and a golden brown baked colour was instantly identifiable. The filling is what let the slice down. Normally I crave more, but this was just too much. I must admit, it was fun demolishing it with a fork!